Talking to your older child about Bedwetting problems

Not every child will just stop wetting the bed when they reach school age like the parenting myth says. Just because they are completely potty trained during the day doesn’t mean they have control of their bladder when they are asleep.

1. Night time bedwetting is a concern for many parents with children of all ages, not just toddlers.
2. Bedwetting is also called “nocturnal enuresis”. It is experienced by tens of millions of children worldwide.
3. It can adversely affect the child's self-esteem, interpersonal relationships, quality of life, academic pursuits, and simple childhood activities (camps, sleepovers, etc.).  

Bedwetting Problems by age

• 1 out of 4 five-year olds,
• 1 out of 5 seven-year olds,
• 1 out of 20 children over the age of 10

 From the information available we see that children reach mile stones in development at different ages, many can even be delayed in one area and still be way ahead of the curve in others. Each persons body develops at it’s own pace. Puberty doesn’t automatically start at age 12 some develop early and others later into their teens. The same idea applies when you are looking at bedwetting.  

Some children stop wetting the bed before they even potty train and others may not develop the skill until they are in their teens. This doesn’t mean that you should just give up. There are ways to keep working at the goal of a dry night and the self confidence that comes with it.  

We have come up with some positive strategies to help you deal with the stress and progress of helping your child stop bedwetting. These strategies may help them still gain the confidence that their goals can be accomplished if you both work at it as a team. After all isn’t that what a family is for, helping each other be the best we can be.   

Areas addressed

1. Taking the time to talk to your child
2. Reasons why they need to keep trying

1.)  Taking the time to talk to your child

Find a quiet time and place where you can have one-on-one with your child without interruptions (cell phone off, other children occupied, and you have the time to talk). Let your child know that this isn’t a lecture & that they are NOT in trouble. Let them know how much you love them. You want to help them and want to hear how they feel as well as their ideas on what they can do to succeed in stopping wetting the bed.  

Let your child know that they aren’t alone, that there are children all over with this problem and the odds are at least one other child in their very own class may have accidents 3 or more times a week. This doesn’t mean they should ask around to find out, only that they are aware that there isn’t something dreadfully wrong with them.  

Let your child know that you will work with them and you will help modify the little things without making a big fuss but that they need to put in the effort daily also. If they are using an alarm or they help with changing sheets, you will check to see that they are following through without trying to make feel it is anything out of the ordinary like brushing teeth or doing chores. If they have an accident free night let them know you are proud of them but it doesn’t need to be blown out of proportion (e.g. telling everyone in the family, depending on child’s age & reaction). Remember the goal is encouraging them, not to embarrassing them.  

Bedwetting is very hard to explain why it happens or why they can’t just stop. If there isn’t a medical reason for bedwetting don’t make excuses or let them either. This isn’t something you can say “oops”, it’s a real problem and needs to be addressed as one.

2.)  Reasons why they need to keep trying

 You have opened the lines of discussion with you child about bedwetting. Now it’s time to set some reasons why this is important to them. You can list things that they want to do, and why it’s important to you as a parent. 

Here are some ideas that we have come up with and you can use them or come up with some of your own.

• Sleep-over at friends or other family members homes
• They are able to go to overnight camps or weekend activities
• Not having to worry about pull-ups or night time underwear
• No more changing sheets or bedding covers daily
• Not having to take bath or shower every morning
• More time in the mornings for TV, hair, etc.
• Get rid of plastic sheeting over mattress
• Room will smell better
• Less laundry for MOM
• They wont smell like pee
• They wont have to worry that their friends will find out
• Possible reward when they no longer wet the bed 
  • New mattress or bed
  • Big sleep-over with friends
  • New game or toy they want
• Best reason of all - they will be proud of themselves!

Remember you know your child better then anyone; you make the choices that best fit your child. Good luck and we would love to hear your thoughts and ideas for future articles or how you felt about this one.